So Cold
by CrimsonMidnightKisses
Summary: A few years into the Cold War Ivan and Alfred find themselves in a familiar setting, but this time their barriers will come crashing down as they are forced to realize the love that will never be. Lemon. Mild Language. Oneshot. RusAme. AmeRus. Might need tissues depending on how sensitive you are. Rated M for a reason. Human names used.


**AN: Well, here is another one of my really twisted stories with a hint of angst. RusAme and AmeRus. Lemon. Rated M for language and male on male sex. Time frame is during the Cold War. Every story has different sides to it and it's time for what happened behind closed doors to be exposed for what it really was.**

There was a cold chill at Red Square in Moscow as the winter wind blew across Ivan's childish face. He walked away from another meeting with his boss that made him feel as if there was nothing else left for him to talk about besides the man in which he was at war with. All this talk of America led the other nation to begin a dangerous obsession over him. His mind was constantly filled with images of the blonde man with those charming blue eyes. Ivan stopped in his tracks as he began to question the remains of his sanity.

He was the largest nation alive, his size was even more impressive than many empires that once stood and he was in control of a fair share of other countries. His own sisters were able to stay with him forever now that he brought them into the Soviet Union. The Baltic States were a nice addition to his growing home, but he still did not understand why they would always shake when he was near them. Ivan sighed heavily as he stopped to look up at the dark sky, a single snowflake falling against the corner of his mouth.

His mind returned back to the other nation that plagued his every waking moment and even when he turned off the lights to go to sleep, Alfred was there. Quite literally sometimes. A quiet chuckle rumbled deeply within his throat. Many a time has he found the "Hero" in his bed with overly flushed cheeks from the alcohol or maybe even the utter lust that followed after Ivan's discovery of him. Memories of those hot nights with the beautiful devil in his bed made the Russian's lips curl up in a seemingly innocent smile. He considered taking a flight off to the land of his enemy, but he just shook his head to clear the thought away.

Alfred and Ivan had a system, it wasn't the best of systems, but it worked for them. They wouldn't set themselves up to meet, they would wait for politics to force them in the same room together before they slipped off to somewhere dark and quiet. A place where no one would hear the other's screams. This war was just an excuse to force the other back into their lives. They could sit in front of each other for hours with their guns pointed at each other's heads without anyone pulling the trigger.

There was a form of respect between the two and that respect led to curiosity which, in turn, led to this sick obsession between the two nations. Ivan couldn't go a day without hearing Alfred's name and the same problem occurred with Alfred. They formed a plan together, something that they would never tell any other nation or person for as long as they both shall live. They went to war with each other, knowing very well that it would soothe their burning need to be around each other. Like a drug that you can't stay away from, but this had to be twice as dangerous. If something were to go wrong, then there would be no turning back and they would have to fight each other to the death.

Ivan walked back into his home, greeted by a trembling Raivis at the door. The small nation took his coat and hung it up for him. The Russian male silently looked at the small, Latvian boy with a curious expression. He wondered why he kept the other around, he could easily just kill him off and take his land, so that it would be his forever. Ivan placed his hand up on top of the small nation's head which caused Raivis to flinch away from his over sized palm. The boy was used to having the taller man show his "affection" by pushing down on his head, but the Russian was unusually quiet which put a great fear deep within the boy.

"M-Mr. Russia, sir?" Raivis asked the taller male with trembling lips as he felt the other's hand start pushing down on his head. A loud crash in the kitchen made Ivan's head snap up and leave the other nation to live for another day. He walked in to see his sweet older sister laughing with a certain male with blonde hair and charming blue eyes. He almost looked surprised to see Alfred there, but that surprise could be dealt with later. His main concern was with his enemy and his big sister, laughing over a glass of vodka that had spilled on the floor.

"Oh, little brother, look who decided to pay us a friendly visit." Katyusha smiled up him and stood up, but Ivan barely looked over at her as he stared at the American with questioning eyes. Alfred just nodded his head at the other with their eyes never faltering from the other's. The Ukrainian woman cleaned up the spilled drink quickly and continued to smiled so radiantly, it could have brightened up the dark house.

"да, it is very nice of Mr. America to come and visit us." Ivan spoke coldly and Katyusha could feel the tension rising in the room. Oh, the mind numbing tension that clouded both of their minds with a deep sensation of hate and lust. The room felt hot to both of the nations despite all the snow that made his darkened home cold inside.

"I'll just leave you boys to talk then," she spoke in a high pitched voice. Fear caused her to scurry off down a dark hall and into her room, keeping her head bowed as she left. The two nations were left alone in the kitchen, their minds working together and against each other at the same time. Wasn't this what there whole war was about? Mentally fucking each other until one of them submitted from emotional distraught. Yes, there was nothing else to it, but the utter submission of one nation or the utter loss of control from the other.

"How very nice that you were to drop by and visit me, Mr. Jones." The Russian male smiled as Alfred walked closer, his body now mere inches away from Ivan's twitching fingers. His glowing skin seemed to be too inviting as the shirt of the suit revealed the other's collar protruding collar bone. The stress from keeping up with their little game was very apparent to anyone who would look at the nation, but he refused to stand down and he refused to be the on to launch the first attack to end everything he worked so hard to keep. If the man that raised him passed on an attributes to the American it had to be his strong sense of pride that made him walk a little taller when he was around other nations.

"Apparently my boss had scheduled a meeting with yours unexpectedly and I didn't have anywhere else to go." He answered truthfully, his over joyous mask had faded the moment he landed in Moscow. Alfred felt his head pounding with the blood flowing through his veins, his eyes were alert despite the dark circles that showed his exhaustion.

"I've been thinking about..." Ivan started before the blonde cut him off with a nod. They already knew what each other were thinking and there was no need to finish of sentences that could be overheard. They trusted no one, not even each other when it came to their secret.

"I haven't been able to sleep," the American admitted and the other now saw the real reason behind the circles that made his usually beaming face so sullen now. Ivan almost felt a pang of guilt stir in his heart, but it went away almost as quickly as it came, being replaced with a feeling of amusement. Even though he felt the exact same way, it gave the Russian great pleasure to know that it caused Alfred some grief and he haunted his mind just as the blonde haunted his.

"How about we talk somewhere more private? Voices echo loudly in this home and there is only one place where all sound cannot escape or enter." Ivan smiled stiffly as he saw the flicker of his own desire being reflected in the other's beautiful blue eyes. Alfred nodded as he numbly followed the Russian into his darkened room. The room was colder than the rest of the house and seemed to be in the worst of shape. Broken bottles and papers were scattered about on Ivan's desk where a single lamp was set on it.

Mirrors in the master bathroom had been smashed in countless of times and there were several holes in the wall from which the Russian made himself when he realized that he was just as alone in this house as he was surrounded by subordinates that feared him. Alfred shut the door behind him and no sooner did Ivan hear the door click was the American pinned up against it. Frustrated lips found each other in a searing kiss and soon tongues had tangled themselves together. Alfred fisted the Russian's hair and forced his lips off of his own before sinking his teeth into the other's exposed neck, above the white scarf the Russian man always wore.

A pleasured hum rumbled deeply in Ivan's throat as he slammed his body up against the other's roughly, pressing his throbbing erection against him. The American groaned as he pulled the other man into another kiss that was forceful enough to end up with their teeth clashing together. Hands roamed each other's bodies as they soon rid themselves of all clothing and Alfred moved to push the silver haired man down on the bed. Ivan looked up at him as he sat with his back against the headboard and pulled the American closer. Alfred brought their lengths together and began fisting them both at the same time as the other grazed his teeth over the nearest piece of flesh.

Moans were mixed with each other and neither one could make out their own sounds now. The games were burning deep inside and the American knew exactly how to get the other to submit to him. He smirked darkly as he let his head fall back slightly, simply enjoying the other's lips on his skin as he continued to teasingly stroke their hardened members. They both questioned whether or not the relationship they began was anything more than a business agreement. The respect they had for each other mixed with their sick obsessive behavior was easy to mistake as love, but they knew that they could never have each other forever. They both wanted it all to end, but they secretly hoped their moments together could last forever.

"You can't stop thinking about me, hm? Do you miss having an actual beating heart next to yours that is frozen in time?" Alfred's words were like razors against the Russian's surprisingly big heart, but he knew what game the other was playing. He snatched the American's hand away from their members that had already began to leak pre-cum and placed it over his chest. The blonde could feel Ivan's heart racing beneath his fingertips and he noticed silently that the pace was matched to his own heart.

"What about you? Can't sleep without someone to hold you and kiss away all the bad dreams?" The Russian mocked him cruelly and Alfred turned his head away. Ivan forced him to look back into his eyes again before placing a kiss on his already bruised lips. The words were true and they both knew it even though Alfred wished they weren't. Ivan reached around for a small container of cream without breaking their comforting kiss. He began stretching the other's entrance and Alfred broke their kiss with a shuddering gasp.

Ivan's fingers stretched him and he couldn't stop his hips from pushing back against the penetration. His pride was getting in his way of enjoying the sensations and he tried pulling away from the larger nation. This caused the Russian male to grow a bit irritated and he quickly shifted their positions, slamming Alfred's back up against the wall. The American groaned from the faint pain, but he bit his lip to hide the pleasured noise that followed which didn't go unnoticed. As gravity pulled on him, Ivan's fingers were forced into him deeper which caused him to tremble against the taller male.

"So tight, Alfred. Has no one else touched you like I have? Am I the only one who you let see how vulnerable you really are?" Ivan murmured against the other's ear, his hot breath causing his ears to redden. Alfred sucked on the pale skin at the other man's neck roughly, nearly drawing blood out of him. The Russian groaned lowly as he pulled his fingers out of the other. Before he could do anything else Alfred flipped them around and forced Ivan's shoulders down onto the bed. A small smirk curled up the American's lips as he began marking love bites all down the other's pale body, the taste of salt and flesh satisfying him.

He moved down the Russian's body until his mouth found the other's erection and he cupped his balls with one hand, fondling the hot flesh. Alfred brought his lips down and around the thick member of the other man causing Ivan to moan out softly. Without drawing attention to himself he kept the man distracted with what he was doing to his mouth to keep him from noticing his other hand reaching out for the cream. When the two nations would find themselves in bed together there was a conflicting attribute to their long, sleepless nights. Neither one would submit to the other and it would take a lot of force and hurtful words for one of them to finally crack under pressure.

That is what led Alfred to coat his fingers in the substance before shoving two slender fingers into the Russian. Ivan bit back a groan as the pain from the forced entrance made his body twitch and sweat glistened in the little light that came streaming in through the curtains. The blonde pulled his mouth away for breath, sucking on the base of the other's manhood that was leaking profusely as he continued to stretch him. The Russian buried his fingers in the other man's hair, tugging and gripping it roughly. The heat in the room was maddening and eventually Ivan couldn't take it any more. He pushed Alfred off of him and had his back against the headboard, in the position he was in earlier.

The pale man spread his legs on either side of the other's hips and pushed the blonde's member to penetrate him fully. The American reached up to muffle the cry of pleasure with a kiss, feeling the other moan against his mouth as he began riding him. Ivan's contracting muscles tightened around the other's pulsing dick which nearly drove Alfred mad. The blonde grabbed the other's hips in a painful grasp as he broke their kiss, that was sure to leave bruises and he brought the other down on his manhood faster. The cold man's body was so hot inside it made it nearly impossible to bare as he kept thrusting his hips down. The pleasure was amazing for Alfred, and the faint hint of pain made the Russian's masochistic side moan out.

Their minds couldn't comprehend anything else, but the closeness of their bodies and the sensations that devoured every ounce of their being. Dominance was key to their relationship and each one held a good amount of power over the other. It was terrifying to know that the man you are in the most fearful of wars with can make you feel comfortable enough to sleep in their arms. How vulnerable it made them and how they both came to a realization that there could have been love. They could have been in love and they could have become the most amazing pair together if it weren't for their bosses and that just added more frustration to their love at midnight. They both could have cried with anger and at times, they did cry in each other's arms as the heat of the moment passed when they realized their moment was over.

A newfound fury heated Alfred's blood and caused him to use his full strength to thrust into the man above him. The Russian cried out at the top of his lungs once he felt himself being filled with hot cum that added to the sensations he was already feeling. He hadn't reached his own release yet, but that didn't matter. Ivan pushed the other's chest up against the wall, making a picture from the wall to fall and crash against the floor. He encased his length into the other and began pounding into him, the bed below them began to shake and creak loudly. Alfred had whines and moans fall beautifully from his lips as the Russian lost all control of his thrusts.

The American's body was used fully and he secretly loved the rough handling as he placed a hand over his mouth to hide his screams. They both were losing their sanity and the white hot pleasure cut off any other senses besides the physical ability. Blue eyes were clouded with thick tears that fell down from his cheeks in hot trails. Ivan bit into his shoulder blade to mark him once again, but the other didn't mind at all. This is the way it had to be because if they were given one night to make love to one another, there would be no forgiveness in their children's eyes. Alfred didn't cry from the roughness and hatred behind each touch, but from the pain of knowing they had to make something so precious to them both, so hurtful. One could almost say they were star crossed lovers that didn't get to have their happy ending no matter how many years passed.

After a few more thrusts, Ivan released his seed into the other and he sighed heavily against his skin. He pulled out of the smaller nation and held him close in his arms as he kissed away each tear, showering him in the love he kept hidden so well. Alfred accepted the comfort as he buried himself into the other's arms. All of their emotions were now revealed to each other and absolute torture followed it because there wasn't a single thing they could do about it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. One day, please forgive me for all of this. If you do, then maybe we could start over. Please, Fredka," the Russian let his own tears fall down his cheeks from sorrow and anger that couldn't be hidden any longer.

"If I could be the one to change our future, then I would have already," Alfred replied as he wiped away the tears from his beautifully flushed cheeks. Ivan began to sob into the other's neck as he held him, so tightly in fear of losing the man he loved. The American's heart ached as all his barriers came crashing down. They held onto each other and cried for their loss at a chance to finally have found love, even as the other nations were buried in plans of war and hate. How could something so pure survive the cruelty of the world and the children that gave them life?

****Their love was a poison that couldn't be sucked out despite the attempts by politics and other nations turning them against each other. They both cursed the fact that they were nations instead of everyday citizens, the one thing that kept them from being able to love one another with no boundaries. As their sobs quieted and exhaustion found them, they slept in each other's arms soundlessly. Their faces had finally relaxed to the point where they looked peaceful and finally being able to shut their minds off from the world outside, to just love each other one more night. Even as the world became so cold, there was a fire that kept burning behind closed doors.


End file.
